Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners. - Laurence Sterne

 If I can only give you one piece of advice it would be to be respectful of yourself and others and to never compromise your morals.  You can make compromises, which is good to do, life needs comprise. However, if someone asks you to dishonor your beliefs they are not friend and most likely foe.  Someone who loves you would never ask you to do such a thing.  Someone who loves you would have the respect for these deep held beliefs that are a critical element in the basis of you.  They would go out of their way to make sure they are respecting your needs above their own base, momentary desires.  There is a reason we learn manners as a child and develop personal moral codes as we grow.  They have impact. 

"Have you ever wanted something very badly then gotten it? Then you
know that winning is many things, but it is never the thing you
thought it would be."
- No One Belongs Here More Than You

Homework

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.  -  Dr. Seuss

My previous post was a rushed thought.  The point is shit happens.  Sometime you have no control of the world.  We want to hold onto everything so tightly, but we simply cannot.  Something goes "wrong" in our eyes and we become angry, upset, sad, frustrated, furious, etc.  Instead of reacting we should use are brains and feelings to respond in that moment.  What can I do in this moment before I get upset?  Is there anything that I can do to change the path of this experience?  Whether the answer is yes or no, whether one has any small influence, one thing is certain.  The only thing a person can control is how they react and how they feel.  That's quite powerful. 

 Homework.

Thoughts

Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed. - Jonathan Swift

I've come to see that I get disappointed so easily in others because I have such high expectations for them.  Perhaps they can't live up to those expectations?  Perhaps it is not right to expect anything from others?  I also, however, have high expectations for myself and if I fail to meet my own self set designs I am also hard on myself.  This goes hand in hand. 

Then I think about a quote on my friends blog: "You should NEVER settle for less than you deserve. Because the moment you do, you get even less than what you settled for."  This is something to consider. 

So one shouldn't have expectations, but by the same rule set, how does one prevent settling?  I don't want to be a person that live a life of complacency.  If something isn't right, fix it.  Fix your mind, your heart, a negative pattern that has been established.  If that "something" can't be fixed I think that speaks magnitudes in and of itself.

On an entirely different note I read a great book called, "Love and Obstacles."  It's somewhat of a vulgar book about this man who desperately wants to fit in and find himself amidst a lack of positive role models or supervision.  It's told from a collection of short stories that chronicles this mans life that wasn't anything but ordinary.  While somewhat of a "loser" character, it's rather an interesting book and he is rather larger than life.  4 (bizarre) stars.  

I also started reading "A New Earth", which is supposed to be a self help book from the Oprah Book Club, but it blows and I'm deleting it from my kindle.  Yes, I got one for Christmas (aka birth of the boyfriend day).

"On to the next one..."
 

Why are we so hard on ourselves, when the people who love us are so much more forgiving?

This year learn to be kind to yourself.  Learn to forgive yourself.   

Happy New Year

In the endless quest for New Years quotes I settle on three:

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.  ~Oprah Winfrey

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man.  ~Benjamin Franklin

Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past.  Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.  ~Brooks Atkinson

I think each quote, in it's own right, offers something important.   

Jason and his daily facebook inspiration quotes: Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're probably right. 

Well it's not Jason, it's a Henry Ford original, but the message rings true.  The power of though can be both liberating and inspiring, or debilitating. 

I believe in signs.  I will think more positive.  Thanks Jason. 

It is as absurd to say that a man can't love one woman all the time as it is to say that a violinist needs several violins to play the same piece of music.

The eyes are the window to the soul.

This quote is now a well known proverb.  It traces back to the bible and even further back to Cicero.  Shakespeare and modern musicians take inspiration from this.  But what does it mean?  

I have no idea what my soul looks like, nor that of another.  I could perhaps tell you my aurora, but we're talking souls here.  Sometimes we walk down the street and we make eye contact for a brief moment.  Nothing.  Other times we look into another's eyes and are fixated in a strong hold.  It can be comforting, chilling, loving, tender, lust inducing ... there are a magnitude of emotions and feelings that can takeover you. On occasion you get lucky and this hold is so consuming you can't break contact.  You could gaze into those eyes forever.  Eyes intertwined, pupils aligned, every spec, dot, character emphasized.  There is everything you need to know in those eyes and lots of learning that could follow.  You're not reading their soul, their inner thoughts or makings.  What you can decipher is whether they are friend, lover, or foe.  All that without words. 

*Spoiler* Shopgirl Ending

I desperately searched for clips of my 3 favorite quotes from Shopgirl, but nothing.  
 
The premise of the movie is a young woman falls in love with an older man who cannot open his heart to her, or presumably anyone. And the story goes...

So I can hurt now or hurt later. Now I guess.

Utter sadness verbalized by Mirabelle as she realizes that no matter how much she loves Ray , being with him will only cause her anguish.  And so she leaves...

Some nights alone he thinks of her. And some nights alone she thinks of him. Some nights these thoughts occur at the same moment. And Mirabelle and Ray are connected without ever knowing it...

The quote is longer, however this is the important aspect.  Ray searches for Mirabelle in the women he meets and ends up content in his discontent.  However, Mirabelle, has presumably found reciprocal love, respect, and adoration with another who is more willing and able than Ray could ever be.  


And my favorite quote  accompanied by a prefacing clip is of the ending.  The following quote is words spoken as Ray Porter watches Mirabelle walk away to the arms of her lover and realizes the consequences of his choices:  

As Ray Porter watches Mirabelle walk away he feels a loss. How is it possible, he thinks, to miss a woman whom he kept at a distance so that when she was gone he would not miss her. Only then does he realize that wanting part of her and not all of her had hurt them both and how he cannot justify his actions except that... well... it was life.

 Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart.

 And hydrate. 

Thou art to me a delicious torment.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be. 

~ Anna Louise Strong

When you find someone that loves you and supports you, nurture all elements of the relationship.  Be kind to yourself and be kind to your partner.  Experience joy, laugh together, overcome fear, forgive, fight for your beliefs, teach each other and grow. 

I think fear is huge obstacle in life, but just because something is scary doesn't mean one should quit.  People may be scared to become the person they want to be or scared when they see another changing.  However, if you love someone, go with it.  If it's meant to be it can only be good. 

I think this is truly a brilliant quote. 

Remember, there's no way to take your words back once spoken aloud, so think twice before you start wagging your tongue.



"Nothing will work unless you do.” - Maya Angelou 

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.  

Words of wisdom

I'm glad you have chosen to live a life that matters....it doesn't happen by accident...it's not just circumstance but the choices we make to get there.....

~ The Godmother

When there are no unnecessary thoughts in your mind 

Everyday is a good day.
~ Ummon

For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.  

~ William Penn

The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be- and when they're not, we cry.

This is the problem with expectations.  Having presumptions for others will only set you up for disappointment.  I know this game far too well.  Just do you and be yourself.  Simple?  Never.  You may have high aspirations for yourself, but don't displace those unfair absolutes on someone else or you both, most likely, will end up with misty eyes.  It's far too hard to see when one person's judgement is clouded, let alone a pair.  

I've always believed that a portrait captures a person far better than a photograph. It truly takes a human being to really see a human being. 

That last line gets me every time.  It truly takes a human being to really see a human being.  I may not have time to draw pictures while carrying out my duties, but images are forever ingrained in my head.  Sometimes I ponder are these people completely void of compassion, emotion, self-respect, and empathy?  I could go on, but at this point there is no reason to.  There is no fight left, but lips pursed above rough waters, struggling to take in enough air.  Am I getting Nitrogen and Oxygen, because all I feel is CO2 building and a gnarly headache ensues?  There is no gas exchange.  The pressure of the ocean is not aiding proper lung expansion.  Two options: I sink and I die, or I keep fighting and my lungs collapse.  I bob back and forth between two loose loose choices, yet I remain steadfast.  For what?  So I can see humanity at its worst?  So they can see me break? Once again: I know there is a moral to this story, but I don't know what it is.  I'm desperately trying to find the reason for this situation.  Trying to find salvation amidst this mess.  Clarity is hard with sun and salt water stingy sensitive eyes.  But there is always light at the tunnel.  I just happen to think this is a long, slippery path.  I already totalled my car.  What other trouble could I get into?